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The Art of the Silver Screen: Part 3

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Story Rating   5  with 3 vote(s)
By rubberduckiesofdoom Send DollMailSend EmailVisit WebsiteAIMYIM
Created: 2005-08-16 21:38:08 All stories by rubberduckiesofdoom
“The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round!”

“Sirius, shut up!”, Peter moaned.

“Aw Petey, your just bitter cause I’m going to murder you, come on sing with me!”

“The mangled shrunked head shouts a lot of crap, a lot of crap, a lot of crap….”

“Seriously, Pads, the bus has stopped now, Harry’s getting off”, James agreed.

“Exactly what is he going to the Leaky Cauldron for anyway?”, Sirius asked, returning his attention back to the screen.

“Well, if you had been paying attention instead of singing”, Remus scolded, “He’s going to get all the gold from Gringotts, make a run for it and become an outcast”.

“James, your family is weird”, Sirius answered.

“My family!” James scoffed, “At least my family don’t behead house elf’s and stick them up on the wall!”

“Ah touché”

“Ah Mr Potter, we were expecting you”

“ARGH!”, the four boys shouted, staring as a hunchback appeared on the screen. After hiding behind their popcorn for a few seconds, the four marauders came to their senses and Peter let go of Remus’ cloak, apologising profusely.

“I’m sorry Moony, I got a fright and just grabbed the first thing I saw”

“That cloak was attached to my neck Wormtail”, Remus breathed.

“Whoa, looks like Tom’s really let himself go”, James commented, as they returned their attentions to the film.

“Hey!”, Sirius shouted to the screen, “Wrong film buddy! This is Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, Not The Hunchback Of Notre Dame!”

They watched as Tom led a very frightened looking Harry into the Leaky Cauldron

Well, I say led, more like grabbed his arm and forced him in.

“Hey! Hands Off My Son Hunchy!” James shouted.

“That Can Be Tom! It must be an Impostor”, Peter shouted.

“Calm down Peter, that’s the next film”, Remus answered as Harry started to speak to Fudge.

“Why does Tom keep trying to offer food that Harry doesn’t want?” Sirius asked.

“Trying to use up screen time”, Remus answered, “Funny, how they have time for stupid things like that when they don’t have time for anything that’s actually IN the books”.

“Welcome To The Joys Of Hollywood Moony”, Sirius said sarcastically, “where one minute your name’s up in lights and the next your being played by Gary Oldman”.

“Are you ever going to let that go?” James asked.

“Probably not! Gary Oldman I tell thee, that’s like…a crime against humanity”.

“Hey, at least your in the film, I’m dead!”, James moaned.

“Think yourself lucky”.

“You’ll be glad to know that we found your aunt Marge and she is being…”

“…Taken away by the oompa-loompas to the squeezing room as we speak!” Sirius interrupted and the other three boys laughed.

“Isn’t Harry getting into trouble for running away like that”, Peter squeaked worriedly.

“Apparently not James, what is with your son, everyone loves him!”, Sirius moaned.

“What can I say, takes after his father”, James grinned.

“Suuuuure, look, even Tom loves Harry, he’s manhandling him!”, Remus interrupted.

“Look Hunchy!”, James shouted to the screen, now suitable distracted, “I don’t know what you think you’re doing! Let My Son Go This Instant!”

“Look!”, Sirius said in-between wails of laughter, “He’s taking him up to the bedroom!”

“Aww thanks for that Sirius”, Remus moaned, covering his eyes, “you know I have a sensitive mind”

“Smart owl Mr Potter, she arrived about five minutes after you did”

“Hey, do you think the owl is smarter than Tom?” Sirius asked.

“More than likely, hey, how is this for a theory, do you think Tom got ran over by the Knight Bus?”, Peter answered

“You’re not so hot yourself Peter”, Sirius replied cuttingly.

“And you are?”

“Of course I am”, Sirius replied.

Remus and James had to haul Sirius back down into his seat when he proceeded to stand up and start singing ‘I’m to sexy for my shirt’.

“Look Sirius! Your dance put Harry to sleep!” James laughed as Sirius smacked him over the head.

The scene changed to a view of the cleaning witch walking down the corridor; she knocked on a door and muttered “Housekeeping” the door flew open in a roar.

“Hey, that’s like James in the morning!”, Sirius shouted.

“I’ll come back later”

“Well that was a pretty pointless scene”, Remus commented.

Meanwhile, the scene switched back to Harry waking up to find many parcels for him.

“What the he.ll is that?”, Peter asked, indicating what looked like a large furry paving slab.

“Your mother”, Sirius said, not even paying attention to Peter and actually watching as the large furry thing started to snap at Harry and chase him around the room.

“Oh c’mon that’s pathetic”, James moaned, “Running away from a book, I’m almost ashamed of him!”


“OK, I am, I’ll admit it, My Son Is A PANSY!”

“Pansy Boy versus the furry book, round one ding ding ding!”

“You know”, Remus commented as Harry tried to lure the book out from under his bed with a shoe, “ I think this film is more about Harry fighting everything that moves than the actual storyline”.

“You have a point, Come on son, kick that books furry as.s, do your father proud!”, James shouted to the screen.

“Now I bet there’s a sentence you never thought you’d say”, Peter laughed.

Eventually, Harry managed to win his war over the book and made his was downstairs to be greeted by the sound of his two best friends arguing.

“Oh what are the chances of that!”, Sirius shouted

“You just keep that filthy fleabag away from Scabbers”

“It’s a cat Ron”

“Oh hello Harry!” Ron turned around cheerfully noticing his friend


“Oh my god”, James moaned, “My son had groupies”

“I think they are his friends James”, Remus answered.

“Strange friends”, Sirius scoffed.

“I hate to break it to you Padfoot, but we’re hardly the most normal set of friends either!”, Peter supplied

“Just remember who kills you Peter”, Sirius replied with an evil glint in his eye, “before you answer me back again”. Remus and James burst out laughing.

Back to the film, Harry was being introduced to all the members of the Weasley family.

“Whoa”, James laughed, staring at the Weasleys’, “Their heads shine with the light of a thousand suns”.

“Hey James”, Remus asked, “You see the one with the red hair and the big thick glasses….?”


“I think he looks more like your son!”

“Do you have a death wish Moony!”

But he had got Sirius started,”Hold on Prongs, he really does, are you sure while Lily was going with the ice-cream man, you weren’t going with Molly Weasley!”

“I can assure you I have never, or will never be near Molly Weasley in that way…ever!”

Sirius and Remus looked at each other and answered at the same time, “Denial!”

Mr Weasley meanwhile, had pulled Harry away from the conversation at the breakfast table, to a more secluded spot behind some pillars.

“Oh, wonder what they are going to do!”

“Padfoot, stop it! My son is not g.ay!” James shouted, “He may be a lot of things but g.ay in not one of them!”

“Harry, what I am about to tell you must not be taken lightly”, Mr Weasley said, “There are some who do not wish you to know this but I have a higher opinion of your nerves”.

“Woah, feel the tension!”

“Can you be Serious for One Moment Padfoot, one moment is all I ask!”

“Sirius Black escaped out of Azkaban to kill you”

Sirius and James both choked on their popcorn at the exact same moment.

“He what?”

“He wants you dead Harry”

“Oh that’s nice”, Remus scoffed.

“Harry, you must be very scared”

“Yeah”, Peter answered, “I would be if Sirius was going to kill me…oh yeah”. Peter cowered in his seat as Sirius and James both stared open mouthed at the screen.

“I’m not, honestly Mr Weasley, I mean, Sirius Black can’t be any worse than Voldemort can he?”

“You’d be surprised”, James broke his silence, “Sirius on a sugar high is a very scary thing indeed”

Remus, Peter and James stared at Sirius and waited for him to say something.

“Great, just great!”, he groaned, “First Gary Oldman and now I’m attempting to kill my best friends son! This is globalisation in Cinema production at its worst I tell thee!”

Sirius stood up ,”I’m going to have a word with the cinema attendant…No, the boss…No, the director, Oh scr.ew it, I’m taking this matter to the queen!”

“Padfoot, calm down”, Remus said, pulling him back down into his seat, “Before you go rushing off to the queen don’t you think you should maybe watch the rest of the film to see what happens?”

Sirius crossed his arms in his seat,”Fine!” he pouted, “But I’m not happy about it!”


A/N Awww pouty Padfoot lol. I must admit, this chapter isn’t exactly my favourite. The next one will be a lot better I promise you.

Ciao for now xxx

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